More change

My husband and I heard something years ago that we've always remembered..."The only thing constant is change." How true that is, that sometimes you can only depend upon that things will keep changing! It's been that kind of month for me.

Ben did indeed move in August, back to the Concord area. He seems to be pretty content with being there and is settling in, from what I can tell. I am glad for him that he is back in an area where he has friends that he is strongly connected with. He seems pretty happy about that.

John & I went to TN last week with Jonathan to help him get settled at college. He didn't really want us to go (I found out after I had asked and he said it was fine, after I had made arrangements to be off...) I decided I wanted to go for my own peace of mind. We made the 9 hour trip up there, John & I riding in the van and Jonathan in his vehicle.

We've had several issues with Jonathan over the last year, and he has distanced himself from us a lot since he turned 18. I have tried to give him his own space somewhat. It is tough being a mom & knowing how to do that without their feeling like you've abandoned them. I was very disappointed and hurt by the way Jonathan acted towards me while we were there, and I'm not sure I would have gone if I had known it would turn out that way. I cried a lot that weekend.
I told John it wasn't just that he was going to college 500 miles away...I can deal with that. (Maybe not be thrilled with it, but I realize it's time for him to "move on" and grow up.) But it's the feeling that he doesn't want us involved in his life at all that hurts so much. I feel sort of like he has divorced his family. He doesn't care to be with us or communicate with us. He has made this very clear! He has sent one (count 'em - ONE!) e-mail to me since he left, and I practically begged for that. I called him after he'd been gone a week, and he didn't say much except "Fine" in response to my questions. He does not seem to want to share this experience with us at all. How disappointing!

As I've thought about this the last several days, I see that he has disconnected himself from us for quite a while and only interacted with us as necessary. It's a scary feeling as a mom to not know what's going on with your child or know what they're thinking or feeling or why they're treating you like you're from Mars. I'm told this is normal behavior for a young man his age, and it probably is. But it is surely disappointing and hurtful. Neither of my other two children have treated me this way. *sigh*

OK, enough of that. There's still more change to discuss!

John's mother is moving in with us tomorrow!! She has been having some serious memory problems and is at his niece's house. He is supposed to pick her up tomorrow. Family is concerned that she shouldn't be staying by herself, as she has fallen a few times and isn't taking her meds properly, which has caused her diabetes to go through the roof. I spent a lot of time cleaning up yesterday...it's still not great, but it's better than it was. We're hoping we can find a better solution soon, but there are still lots of questions to be answered at this point. This will certainly make our lives interesting. Jenny is not thrilled at the prospect of sharing her bathroom with another grandmother, but hopefully God will grace us to walk through this.

There are also changes at work. A co-worker who has been there 20 years is retiring, and she is going part-time as of tomorrow. She will be in a few days a week for four hours a day. Hopefully they can hire and train someone soon, as no one knows how to do what she does. I am her main back-up on one of her more important tasks, and I actually already do this four days a week. I have just now inherited it for every day of the week! And I am now the only person trained to do this, which is a little scary. I'm going to get some help with my filing on the extra day I haven't been doing it, so at least that will help me out. It will likely take me most of the day on Mondays to do three days worth of this task. And I will have to work part of the day on Labor Day since my big committee meeting of the month is the day after, and there's no way I can do four days worth that day! Anyhow, life is constantly changing there, too. We just got someone hired to take the front desk position, and now someone else leaves and messes with the mix! Oh well...the only thing constant is change!

I wish they would give me an office at work. I've been called on the carpet for humming/singing, which I do unconsciously sometimes. Other times, I'm listening to music and am aware I do it, but I try not to be obnoxious about it. It's just part of who I am, and listening to music is a big stress reliever for me. I'm not going to stop being who I am. If I had an office, at least that could be controlled a little, & I wouldn't annoy other people. (I'm one of two people in a cubicle, out in the open.) I've also got some temperature issues. I am constantly hot-natured now, whereas my cubicle-mate is very cold natured. Someone has taken it upon themselves to try to control our thermostat (not her), but it is a problem. I can't take any more clothes off, and if it's too hot, I'm uncomfortable & get sleepy easily. Ah well...life is full of challenges, isn't it?

Guess I don't have to write a book every time, but Ben was bugging me...uh...reminding me to update my blog, so here it is.

One of the scriptures in SS today was "In your patience possess ye your souls." (Luke 21:19) I think I might need that one this week!