Carolyn's Corner

An Auspicious Start to the New Year

2007-01-03T19:33:00.000-08:00

I took an extra day off for New Year's this year, hoping to have a day to clean up & organize and a day to just chill. I decided not to be so lazy as to do nothing all day, so I sort of snuck the chillin' in between cleaning & organizing.

So yesterday, after doing a great job of cleaning up the den, I took some trash bags out to the van. As I was throwing the last one in, my knee felt like it was giving way. *Weird* It's done that before, but usually it straightens right up. *Hmmm....*Not so this time. This time, severe pain...

I hobble into the van, surprised at the pain level. A friend calls, & I pull off & talk to her when I get close to the dump. Once there, I get out & hobble around to the other side to throw out the trash, still amazed at the pain level. A kind gentleman helped me throw the trash bags away, and I hobble back to the van.

Once back home, still unable to walk properly, I decide that perhaps something is amiss. *Duhhh* I try ice, which causes more pain. I get in the tub and soon realize this is pointless, too. A call to my pastor for prayer, a call to my sis for general medical advice, and once I've eaten, my daughter drives me to the ER.

Visiting the hospital where I am employed, disguised as a patient, is an enlightening experience. (For instance, what stroke of genius made them to decide to put the restrooms at the very back of the long waiting room? It's not like there are sick people who might need to get there in a hurry or injured people who might have trouble walking there & back...) After a 2 1/2 hour wait in the waiting room, I finally make it to the back to be seen. *Thankfully, I am given a bed in a tiny room, rather than a hallway bed. They seem to be reserved for people suffering from nausea or dementia. A gentleman who doesn't seem aware of what he's doing accosts my bed as it is wheeled through the hallway, making me wonder what is going to happen next.*

After telling my story to a nurse, a doctor, a radiology person, a CNA, and another doctor, I am outfitted with a knee immobilizer, a pair of crutches, a pain shot, a pain pill and no prescription for pain. (Someday, I hope to advise a doctor whose bodily part has just been injured to take ibuprofen for pain until they see the next doctor.) First doc promised pain meds, second one just disappeared.

(*Note to self...it might also be good to inform someone at some point that giving crutches to someone who hasn't used them in eons in order to visit the restroom down the street and around the corner with a full bladder, I might add, is just short of idiotic. Add a self-flushing toilet to the equation which flushes twice before you're done and none afterwards, and you have a very entertaining few minutes to discuss...*)

Jenny & I arrive home around 2am. I am very sleepy from said pain pill, but I discover something interesting. It only makes me FEEL sleepy. Finding it nigh unto impossible to sleep on my back, I spend the night tossing & turning & keeping my husband sick with a stomach virus the last three days awake almost all night.

This morning, I venture into the kitchen to get a cup of Pepsi. *Sounds simple, huh?* Try it with a set of crutches. I wind up on the floor, on my keister, with husband and daughter flying into the kitchen to discover the source of the THUD that shook the house. Upon being scolded for trying to wait on myself, I meekly go into the living room to await yogurt & Pepsi.

It's been a rather interesting day. I go to the ortho doc tomorrow to see what he says about the whole thing. Is it a pulled muscle or a pulled or torn ligament? *Round and round and round she goes...* Then I hope to go back into work, since I have a big meeting Monday I must prepare for.

To say my life is interesting is an understatement. *Sheesh* I was just trying to clean up & get a good start for the new year. I think I must have missed something somewhere along the way!

Wondering...

2006-12-22T19:48:00.000-08:00

Does anyone ever read this blog anymore?

I have kept the one on MySpace a little more current, but I've tried to post the same thing in both places. I really wonder if anyone reads this anymore, since I haven't had comments in forever. I realize I'm not too diligent about posting, but...

Anyhow, if you do read this, LMK. :-)

Hurry, Scurry, and Worry

2006-12-22T19:45:00.000-08:00

(This is something I wrote a few years ago about the Christmas season. Hope you enjoy it!)

It’s the holiday season again, can you tell? People are rushing here, rushing there, rushing everywhere! So much to do, so little time. Lists to make; presents to buy, wrap, and give; parties to go to; decorations to put up…so much to do! Stress reaches an even higher peak, and we wonder why we can’t cope. Is this really what Christmas is all about?

Of course not! Christmas is about a babe born in Bethlehem nearly two thousand years ago to a virgin girl who truly trusted in the Almighty. A baby born to die and redeem the world of sin. This baby was a gift of love from an Almighty God to all of creation, a fulfillment of eternal promise. This baby came with hope and promise of transformation, yet His Father knowing all along that He would be despised and rejected of men and would ultimately die for their lack of love. Yet, still, He came.

How have we come from this wondrously simple gift of love to the present hustle-bustle, where Christmas is a burden and not a pleasure? Where Christmas has become a time to simply be gotten through and most people are glad when it’s over? How? Because we have forgotten WHY we do what we do. We have our traditions in place and feel we must keep them religiously. Perhaps we need to recall exactly why it is we do what we do.

To children, the most important part of Christmas is surely the gifts. The excitement of knowing you’ll get some great new toy that you’ve longed for, plus some other neat stuff, too. But the gifts are meant to be a reflection, a symbol of love for one another. The gifts are but a token way to say, "I love you and want to please you." They are a symbol of the great gift God gave us at Christ’s birth. Gifts are not important in and of themselves, but we have allowed the "Gimme" factor into this important time of the year until often, there is no room for celebrating anything else.

We should celebrate at Christmas the simple pleasures in our lives that we enjoy every day…our families, our friends, and the fact that we have food on our tables and a roof over our heads. There are many who are not so fortunate…there are many who will be alone at Christmas, with no Christmas feast, with no Christmas gifts, with nowhere to live or eat. We are blessed, and we should not take this precious gift from God for granted.

So how do we change from hurry, scurry, and worry? We must regain our focus of Christmas, and capture the true meaning once again in our hearts. We must share the love of God with those who are close to us and perhaps, with those who are not as close to us but need our love. We must look back to that time of simplicity when the Messiah lay as a babe in a manger. Do not look ahead to the craziness of the season; instead, savor this as a time of love and fellowship. It is all that is truly worthwhile.

MERRY CHRISTMAS!

Good day...bad day...

2006-11-15T22:13:00.000-08:00

Well...it's been a good day overall, depending on what you focus on.

Good day...I got a very good score on my eval today. If you know me well, you know that I detest evals at work and equate them with "Here, let me beat you over the head for a while." But the tide has turned at work, and that is no longer the case. I got an excellent evaluation (which means I get a good raise in a year...just got the one from last year's.) But moreso than the $ to me is the fact that someone in authority over me has seen my hard work and actually acknowledged that I make a valuable contribution and that this is appreciated. This is still a somewhat new concept to me, but one for which I am very grateful.

However, as I pulled into the driveway tonight, my car died. Ker-plunk. The engine will not turn over, which is a bad sign. I love my little Escort, and I hope it is fixable without spending a ton of money. So in that aspect, it was a bad day. :-(

Good day...church was excellent...good Word, good fellowship. John & I even rode together.

And last but not least...good day...I won a bid on e-bay for a Lady Dorby top & jacket for less than ten bucks! Woo Hoo!

So I'd say, overall, good day!

Hope yours was too! :-)

Casting Your Care on the Lord

2006-09-25T20:45:00.000-07:00

"Casting Your Care on the Lord"

Proverbs 16:3 (AMP)
Roll your works upon the Lord [commit and trust them wholly to Him; He will cause your thoughts to become agreeable to His will, and] so shall your plans be established and succeed.

Read Word Weatlh @ Prov. 16:3, Spirit-Filled Life Bible for "commit"

We’ve all been through those times when things are pressing on our mind, and we have a hard time not worrying about them. Worry is based in fear, so if we allow our thoughts to dwell on the "what if’s," we quickly become bogged down in a negative thought process. Our thoughts are spiraling in a circle that is taking us quickly down. What can we do when we come to a situation like that?

First of all, we should stop and pray as soon as we realize we’re doing that. Ask the Lord to forgive you for worrying instead of trusting Him. You WANT to trust Him, but sometimes the worry in your mind almost seems to have a life of its own. There are sometimes situations that the only thing that works is the Word!!! You have to actively use the Sword of the Spirit, which is the Word of God, to defeat the enemy. As a friend of mine said, "The Word works when you work the Word!" This is also called "praying the Word." It is a VERY effective weapon against the enemy – the Sword of the Spirit.

Let’s break this verse down into parts:

Roll your works (care) upon the Lord by trusting Him.

We see from the WW given above that we must commit our works or our cares to the Lord. Just as the camel has to kneel down and roll his burden off, so we have to kneel down in prayer and roll our burden off onto the Lord. Use this verse as a model prayer to help you roll your works on the Lord.
"Lord, I roll my works concerning ___________ onto you. I trust and commit ________ wholly to you. As I trust in You, You will cause my thoughts to become agreeable to your Will concerning ________. As my thoughts become agreeable to Your will concerning ___________, so shall my plans be established."

It is the normal inclination of the human mind to worry. Therefore, we have to TEACH our minds to follow after what God desires us to follow after. We have to train ourselves to follow righteousness. This requires some discipline on our part. Just as our mind is telling our tastebuds that we want a piece of that chocolate cake in the kitchen, we have to put our spirit man in charge and remind our waistline that we don’t NEED that cake. So it is with worry…our normal human mind will keep going back to that thing over and over again. We have to retrain ourselves by the Word, not to do that.

Let’s look at the following verses:
Psalm 55:22 (WW for "sustain")
Psalm 28:7
I Peter 5:7 (WW for care)
(read portion from TD Jakes Bible)

When you trust Him with your care, you are lining up with the Word. Because you are trusting Him with your care, He is able to cause your thoughts to come into alignment with His Will.

Isaiah 26:3 (AMP)
John 14:27 (WW for trouble)
Read footnote in SFLB for Isaiah 26:3.

Isaiah 26:3 says that He will keep us in perfect peace if our mind is stayed on Him. If we keep our mind on Him, then we can walk in peace. Does that mean that we will never think about anything but God? No…we have to live in this world. We have to deal with the things of this world, and sometimes that means we have to walk through things that stir up strong emotion. Does that mean that we never will think about those things or never feel that emotion? Of course not. We have to deal with the situations that come up in our lives. We have to deal with the emotions these things stir up. We can’t be so heavenly minded we are no earthly good. But if we want to walk in peace, we have to stay focused on Him so that we can stay in peace. When that thing you are facing starts stealing your peace, you know it is time to cast your care on Him so that you can walk in His peace.

John 14:27 – it is a choice whether or not we allow our hearts to become troubled or agitated. Think of how a washer has an agitator in it so that the clothes are turned and moved around while they are washing. That is what the enemy wants to do to our hearts – agitate them, trouble them about things so that we become ineffective in fulfilling God’s destiny for us.

When your thoughts become agreeable to His will, then will your plans be established (steady, stable, firm, faithful, not wishy-washy,) and your plans will succeed.

I Peter 5:10 (AMP)
Psalm 37:5
John 15:7
I John 5:14,15

When our plans are established and based on God’s will for us, then they will succeed…it is only a matter of time.

Let’s look at this process in another way now.

When you are faced with a problem, you have a choice. You can believe that God is Who He says He is and He desires to help you and to bless you, or you can worry about what’s going to happen. There is a process you can follow which will help you to keep your mind pointed in the right direction.

Refocus your mind. Colossians 3, 2 (AMP)
The enemy loves to play with your mind if you will let him. If your mind is leading you in the wrong direction, begin speaking the Word to remind yourself of what you are supposed to be doing.

This week in prayer, the Lord showed me something that I was dealing with that was distracting my mind from where God wanted it. As I was praying, God showed me I would be trying to focus on Him and on what He wanted me focused on, but that this thing that distracted me was much like focusing to take a picture with a camera. You can get the camera set on something in the background so you can take the picture with the background thing as the focus. But if something starts jumping around in the forefront, it distracts you, it takes your focus away from that thing you really want to focus on. So it is with anything that is in our life that we find ourselves focusing on. If it distracts us from the "prize" – Jesus and fulfilling His call on us – then we must take steps to remove that thing that is distracting us from Him.

I talked with a friend this week about how sometimes things happen in your life that upset you or make you angry. She told me that she tries to redirect that anger or emotion that would normally make you "lose it." She redirects the energy and tension of the moment into something more positive – like her family. Then later when her emotions are calmed down, she can deal with the other thing and put it in its proper place.

Refill your mind. Philippians 4:6-8

If something has been on your mind for a long while, then you need to try to
refill that empty place with God and His Spirit. Find Word that applies to that situation, to fill in that void. Refill your mind with good things, and refocus your mind, and point it in the right direction by speaking the Word.

Renew your mind. Romans 12:2

The best way to renew your mind is to speak the Word of God. The Word of God is the Will of God. Find scripture for your situation, and begin to speak the Word over your life. Work the Word, and the Word will work for you!

To sum things up…we will all face issues in life that are upsetting, that tear at our emotions, that make us want to lose control. We are human, we are emotional creatures, and we must acknowledge where we are in our humanity and process what we are feeling. But it is easy to get "stuck" there, and we cannot afford to do that. Our spirit man is listening to everything that’s going on, and we need to let him be the one in "charge." While we must have and process our emotion, we can’t let it rule us and drive us. We must allow our spirit man to be the one in charge, so that he can properly direct us in the right direction.

If you have two dogs and you feed one meat and the other nothing, which one is going to be the one that wins when they start towards you? The one that you fed the most, the one who is stronger. If you feed your spirit man Word and refuse to get stuck in emotional battles, you will come through victoriously with your head held high.

Pain

2006-09-03T20:41:00.000-07:00

Pain...
Shouting,
Screaming
For my attention,
Trying desperately
To distract me
From the path where
God is leading me.
Physical,
Emotional,
Spiritual
Pain that seems
Torturous
And unending.
How long
Must I bear
This?

The Word says
By His Stripes
I am healed
And that if
We touch and agree,
It will be done.
Yet it has not
Manifested yet,
And I grow
Weary, Lord,
In the waiting.
And yet I stand
Here
In faith
Speaking life
To a situation
That looks
Like death.
I must trust and believe
And continue standing,
Knowing God has heard
My prayer,
He sees my tears
And the cry of my heart.
And surely,
That which He has promised
Will come to pass
As I stand on His Word
And walk in His way.
My healing shall come forth,
And as I am tried,
I shall come forth
As pure gold.

Carolyn S. Smith

Coach LeClair

2006-07-17T20:29:00.000-07:00

Coach Keith LeClair passed away today. For any who might not know, he was a baseball coach at ECU who was diagnosed with ALS (Lou Gehrig's disease) about 5 years ago. He went from being a coach to being wheelchair-bound in 4 months. But his faith was VERY strong, and he was such an inspiration.

The praise team at my former church went to his home & sang for him in an informal outdoor setting for an hour or so a couple of summers ago. Afterwards we went inside to meet him & pray with him, and his wife served us refreshments. Coach LeClair was amazing. He communicated with us through some kind of eye/laser technology in which he could look at an alphabet board and use it to form words thru the computer, and it "talked" to us. He encouraged US. I stood there in tears at this man who literally could not move anything but his eyes, and he was still praising God. What did I have to complain about?

I wrote an article about him, which was published in the Sunday School curriculum that lets me write for them, a year or so ago. The same article is also published this month in Carolina Life, the magazine for WAGO, which is the radio station where my husband works part-time. The timing is just amazing, isn't it? I'm sad for his family but I know he is in a better place now. He made quite an impact on this community before he got sick, and even more so afterwards, I think.

He died being known as a man of faith. What a wonderful legacy!

2006-06-18T19:48:00.000-07:00

The Blessing of a Father

It’s hard to believe it’s been almost ten years since Daddy went to heaven. In some ways, it seems as though it was yesterday, and in other ways, it seems like it’s been a really long time. I miss talking with my dad a lot, because he had a lot of wisdom. He was the kind of man you could sit down with and just share your heart with. He could tell when something was on your mind, and he was always willing to listen. Daddy was by no means perfect, but he rated pretty high in my book.

Daddy was born in the early 1920s and grew up during the Great Depression. He told me stories about buying a Christmas tree on Christmas Eve for a quarter and about the year he only received an orange for Christmas (which was quite a treat, at that.) His family was so poor during that time that they ate corn flakes with water. His dad worked as a floor sander, and his mom was a seamstress. Times were hard, but somehow, they always made it.

Daddy didn’t serve the Lord for much of my life, but he instilled in me a love for the Lord and for the Word of God. Some of my fondest memories of Daddy are sitting around the kitchen table with him, reading the Bible. He taught me a lot of things about the Bible and helped me understand the King James Version Bible until it seemed like an old friend. Daddy probably read the Bible a lot more than some "good Christians."

Daddy taught me good morals and that a man’s word was his bond. He taught me a lot about dealing with people, as well as the importance of having compassion for others. A lot of this was taught to me by example. Even though our family would have been considered far down on the socio-economic scale, Daddy was a giver, with a heart as big as all of outdoors. If he heard of a family in need, he found a way to bless them. He spent several weeks stripping wire in the evenings to earn money to send me to Summer Bible School one year.

Daddy was not all sweetness and light, though. He wasn’t afraid to confront someone if it needed to be done, and he wasn’t afraid to tell something like it was. If that hurt your feelings, he would give you a hug when it was all over, but he would always tell you the truth. And even after I became an adult, if Daddy thought I was straying from the straight and narrow, he didn’t mind telling me.

I’m told that in Jewish families when a boy reaches the age of twelve, he goes through a certain ritual in the synagogue that publicly acknowledges he has reached manhood. Part of this ritual includes the blessing of his father. The father speaks words of blessing and encouragement to his son; sometimes the words are prophetic, as Jacob’s were, but always they show the love and acceptance of the father of his son.

I know that one of the greatest blessings of my life is to have been raised by the man who was my father. Those that he loved, he loved unconditionally, no matter how many times he was hurt or wronged. He wasn’t a glutton for punishment, but for those people that he truly cared about, he was willing to go the extra mile. I saw him apologize more than once when he was not in the wrong. He was just that kind of man.

Daddy taught me to love others in the same way. He taught me that the risk of loving others was a risk worth taking. While you might get your heart stepped on a few times, he taught me through his life that the rewards were priceless.

We didn’t have much money when I was growing up, but we always had a lot of love in our home. I will forever thank God for all that he gave me in the blessing of a father.

Regrets

2006-05-27T15:54:00.000-07:00

OK, so I haven't written here over three months now...it is definitely time to do something!

We had my aunt's funeral today. Judy & I sang "He Touched Me" at the gravesite service. The service was nice, and I think she would have liked it, though she would have been disappointed that more people didn't come. But as I remarked to my sister today, the people who really loved her did come today.

I regret that I was not more of a part of her life in the last couple of years, but we all have choices that we make and have to live with. Some of them can't be changed...as this one can't. And so, you must either come to terms with what has happened or you live in regret. I do not want to live in regret, so I need to come to terms with this. I chose not to participate in her life because of other responsibilities, such as keeping tabs on my mom in the nursing home. I really didn't feel I could add another such responsibility. My aunt was not a happy person and often was difficult; she was in a lot of pain and took a lot of medicine, which I'm sure contributed to her moods. I know I probably did what was right for me, but I'm not sure it was the best thing for her. I know she cared about Judy & me, but it's sad that she didn't trust many people in her life at all. Especially the ones that did care.

Life is short...a vapor, the Bible tells us. Here today & gone tomorrow...looking back at photos makes you realize how quickly time passes. Seeing pictures of my children as toddlers...it seems like just a few days ago..seems impossible they could be grown now.

Life is too short to live in regret. Joyce Meyer says that regret & dread are twin theives - one steals the joy of the past and the other the joy of the future. I choose to live in the now and enjoy what God has given me. What do you choose today?

A Day I'll Never Forget

2006-02-20T17:40:00.000-08:00

Okay, don't faint, I'm actually posting twice in one week!

Fourteen years ago today, I totalled my car. Ben & Jonathan were both injured, and it was one of the worst days of my life. I don't think I'll ever forget that moment when I turned around and saw both of them bleeding and scared. Thank God, it was much worse than it looked. They both carry scars of that day, but the scars are minimal. God was gracious to us that day, and I will forever be grateful.

So why am I remembering that day so long ago and marking the anniversary of a wreck? I'm sure there's probably something deep and psychological there, but I guess the reason I do it is that I feel a need to acknowledge what was for me a life-changing event. The boys' injuries turned out to be rather superficial, and aside from leaving scars that most folks don't even notice, they are none the worse for it. For me, however, it was a day I'll never forget.

There was something about that event - which came on the heels of two other major, emotional events in my life in the previous six months - that forced me to sit down & take notice of what was happening. After the wreck, somehow all of the emotions I had been feeling and not dealing with were right there in my face, demanding attention.

I've always felt that even though the boys had the physical injuries, I was traumatized emotionally that day. I felt guilty for a long time that the wreck was my fault... nothing worse for a mother than to know she's caused her child pain. But, life happens, and you have to move on. That day, though, forced me to deal with the depression that had been hanging over my head. It was not a pretty nor a pleasant journey. For months I felt like someone had stolen my heart and left a big, black hole in its place. I struggled alone for many months, trying to think my way through and pray my way through the darkness I was feeling. I considered going on medication to help, but I considered it a "crutch" at the time. (Though I now know that the antidepression meds they have today are more about helping balance your serotonin levels than about masking symptoms.) The truth was, I was pretty crippled, and a crutch would have probably been a good thing.

And I literally had to deal with crippling effects before long. I was diagnosed with arthritis at the age of 34, just a few months later. I firmly believe the physical problems were caused by the emotional ones I wasn't dealing with properly. Doctors have since confirmed this to me, and they were surprised that I understood the correlation. When we don't process our emotional pain, be sure it will show up in another form somewhere else.

Months down the road, I finally found a counselor that I felt could help me, one who respected my faith in God. I will always thank God for bringing Brother Hensley into my life at that time, to give me the tools I needed to deal with and grow past my pain. He told me I was a very angry woman that first day...man, I didn't want to hear that! But he helped me face the things in my life that were bringing me pain and helped me learn to take my "emotional temperature" and really identify the emotions I was feeling. He counseled me for about a year, and he helped me grow quite a bit.

Hand in hand with the therapy was the touch of God on my life one night in a service where a minister laid hands on me and prayed for me. I've always felt the real healing in my spirit and my emotions began that night. But it was a process, one that took time - a healing, not a miracle.

As hard as that experience was, I am thankful for the things I learned there, and the compassion God gave me for others who are experiencing the same kind of pain for whatever reason. Somehow, it's easy for me to see those folks now. The pain on their faces is like looking in a mirror. So if I can, I try to offer hope and encouragement to those who wear that mask of pain. A lot of times we don't know how to help others, but even if we don't have the answers, just a hug and an "I love you" helps...just knowing someone cares.

There were a lot of miracles that happened that day of the wreck: the doctor who "happened" to be driving the car behind the people we hit when the wreck happened; Ben's glasses that John & Daddy found the next day (which he wore for over a year); the seat belt that "released" so that Ben was not crushed in the car; the fact that the car we hit had double air bags or both of those men could have been killed.

God was definitely in control that day, and His fingerprints were unmistakeable to me as I looked back on it. Yet, it was a hard thing for me to come to understand that God allows bad things to happen to His children. I finally understood that life happens, and not all of it is good. You learn to deal with it, to process it, and you go on. You give your pain to God, and you allow Him to bring healing to a place inside you that's hurting. But the fact that He was in control, even on one of the worst days of my life, made me realize that no matter what happens, nothing can take me out of His hand. No matter how bad it seemed, there was always a spark of hope inside me that told me that God would bring me through this valley experience, and that somehow He would redeem my pain.

He has been faithful to do both of those things. So why should I not remember this day - as one which changed my life through pain and through healing? The pain caused me to deal with my humanity, and the healing caused me to be realize that God's grace and God's strength is always sufficient.

Let The Parking Begin...

2006-02-17T21:04:00.000-08:00

You'd think that working at a hospital, the big news of the month would be a JCAHO visit. For those of you who are not familiar with the workings of a hospital, JCAHO is the organization that accredits hospitals so that they can receive government funds. Think of a personal tax audit, and magnify it about 10 times. ARGH But JCAHO has come & gone. They finished their inspection today, and we have been reaccredited. I must say, though, that this is the LEAST stressful one I've been through. Administration didn't go nutso like they usually do; perhaps because the visit was unannounced this time, and the anticipation didn't reach fever pitch. I saw that the hospital president wrote an e-mail to all staff & included some very positive comments they made. Hallelujah..it's over again for three years!

I put out a special edition of our departmental newsletter that put a lot of the info for our staff in one easy place for them to access. I was proud of that and felt good about getting that done and out to the staff pretty quickly after the visit was announced. I had most of it done already and only had to throw in a few things to finish it.

The big news at work, however, is about parking. They have closed the front lots at the hospital to begin construction on a new heart center. The heart center will be done in 2008 and will be a great asset to our hospital and community. But we've lost over 500 parking spaces! The new parking area is over a mile away (about a 15 minute walk for those who are hardy enough to try it), and the buses shuttling folks in is taking about 20 minutes each way, including the waiting time and time to get from the lot to the building. I've been getting up earlier, leaving earlier, but getting there about the same time. My sister Judy has been driving in at the same time as me and giving me a ride to the building close to my office, which has been a huge help! But I took the bus one day this week, and it was about 20 minutes just to the building (not my office), with folks crammed in there like sardines. *S* Same on the way back...I do not think I could physically make this walk or I would be panting, out of breath, and sweaty/hot at the start of the day. Walking in from the front lots winded me! Yes, I know that means I'm a bit out of shape, but there are other concerns too. My feet tend to bother me a lot, and I don't want to do anything to further aggravate them.

Employees are not happy about it. People are coming to work an hour early to get a parking space, which is just nuts. I am already giving them about an extra hour that I'm not getting paid for, so that ain't gonna happen. What upsets me about it is that it's not well thought out, IMHO. I went to an employee forum a couple of weeks ago, where they invited comment, and I have e-mailed the VPs a couple of times since then. They actually took one of my suggestions this week and made a change!

Many people feel that the parking situation is dangerous, too. With the buses only running 6am - midnight, it leaves some of the very early or very late people walking in, in the dark, or parking at a faraway lot at a late hour. Hospital police are supposed to escort people there who don't fall into the bus schedule if needed. Hopefully, this will prove to be an unnecessary concern.

The worst thing about the parking situation is that it's not going away. People will eventually adjust to the changes, but it's not been a pleasant change. We will never get these parking spaces back, and unless they open a new lot that is presently reserved for one area of folks, it's not going to improve anytime soon. I am desperately looking for a silver lining in this situation! So far, the only one is that I AM finally getting up earlier and leaving earlier - it's just not helping yet!

Next week will tell the tale for me...It's Judy's early week, so I need to be ready to leave by 7am, or I'm on my own. And she's off Thursday & Friday, so I definitely need to have my act together by this week.

I also started seeing a chiropractor this week, in hopes that he can help get my back & hips feeling better. I've been having a lot of pain lately, and I am hoping this will help things out. I like him a lot, and so far, so good...but I've only been treated once. I am very thankful for their Sweetheart Week, which included a free exam and free X-rays! :-)

Escaping Anger

2006-01-29T19:48:00.000-08:00

(This references Lisa Bevere's book, "Out of Control & Loving It". This post discusses Chapter 11, "Escaping Anger.")

Anger – what is it? What causes it? What is its purpose? Is anger a sin? There are lots of questions we need to think about when we discuss anger. It is a topic most everyone can relate to, and most folks can benefit from learning more about how to handle anger appropriately.

The dictionary defines anger as a strong feeling of displeasure and usually of antagonism; rage. Read Galatians 5:16-22 Amp. The scripture here tells us to “Walk in the Spirit, and you shall not fulfill the lust of the flesh.” This means “living one’s life in the power of the Spirit while being guided by the Spirit.” It then tells us that the works of the flesh are evident or obvious…and he names several works of the flesh. One of them is identified as “outbursts of wrath.”

There are two main words used in the New Testament that have to do with anger. One of them is this word. This is the word from which “thermostat” comes…indicating a “temperature that may rise unbridled, calling for some means to regulate and direction passion toward proper investments rather than carnal ones.” In other words, anger or wrath can rise up in us rapidly, but we need the power of the Holy Spirit operating in our lives in order to properly manage anger.

The scripture here points out that anger is a work of the flesh, and that is true. However, anger is also, in addition to being a work of the flesh, an emotion. It is a God-given emotion, believe it or not!

What is the purpose of anger? Anger is given to us as part of our make-up so that if an injustice is done or we or our loved ones are endangered in some way, anger will rise up in us so that we will protect ourselves and our loved ones if we are improperly treated or put in danger in some way. If we did not have anger, we would allow anyone and anything to happen in our lives, and go merrily on our way. We would never challenge something wrong being done to us. We would just accept it. Anger is a God-given emotion, given to us as humans so that we may better protect that which He has placed in our hands…but as with anything else He has given us, it has to be managed well.

It is not anger so much that is a sin, but it is what we DO with anger that causes it to become sin or a work of the flesh. We will discuss this more in a bit. (Anger is only a sin when we want to hurt someone with our anger.)

The first thing that Lisa addresses in the book is that we make excuses for our anger. We say things like, “I’m on my period. It’s hormones. I’m pregnant. I’m Italian/Irish/French, etc.” We all make excuses as to why we become angry and lose our temper, but the truth of the matter is that there is no good excuse. It is part of the way that we as humans were made – and for good reason. But part of becoming mature is learning to appropriately and wisely manage our anger.

Lisa talks in the book about how that she had a problem with anger, but that she did not want to take the necessary steps to deal with it. “I felt certain I could control any anger as long as all my circumstances and everyone around me cooperated by being perfect!” As you can imagine, this did not happen. Life is not perfect, and neither is everyone surrounding us! If you have a problem with anger, be sure that things will happen to cause you to need to deal with it. Lisa points out that at first she only lost her temper occasionally, but it soon progressed to becoming a way of life. And most often, this happened to her loved ones, the ones she loved most. They were the ones she felt safest with, and therefore, they felt the brunt of her anger. If you have a problem that you refuse to deal with, be sure that the ones that love you most – that you love most – are the ones who will suffer for your refusal to deal with this problem.

Sometimes circumstances created a situation that caused Lisa to “lose it” but some days she would just wake up feeling like she was “about to blow.” She would warn her husband not to cross her that day. She would find that ordinary things would cause her to feel out of control and usually by the end of the day, she would lose it by saying ugly things to her husband that she later regretted. She believed she was under a demonic attack, but there was nothing demonic about this. She simply was not in control of her fleshly nature. She was allowing her feelings to control her actions. She tells the story of how one day her husband very calmly & gently picked her up and set her outside the house, announcing to her that she would not damage anything in their home due to her anger. She was of course, incensed, and took out her anger on the Weber grill sitting in the garage. God spoke to her immediately and said, “This is not a spirit of rage. You are in total control of yourself.” Lisa talked her husband into letting her back in the house, and she went on as before.

Lisa never allowed her anger to get out of hand in public. She only displayed fits of rage in the privacy of her home. She says that in her family of origin, they did not attack problems, they attacked people and assigned blame for problems. One day Lisa was at home with her two young sons and in trying to get her older son to lie down for a nap, she picked him up roughly with the intention of slamming him against the wall when she saw the fear in her son’s eyes. She immediately recognized the look of fear in his eyes and knew that she had come very close to breaking the vow she had made to herself regarding anger – that she would never allow it to harm her children as it had harmed her childhood. She immediately apologized to her small son and comforted him. Then she headed downstairs to weep before the Lord and beg Him to remove this awful thing from her. As she lay broken at His feet, weeping, she had no one else to blame – the anger was hers and she had to own it so that she could ask God to remove it from her life. God then instructed her to call her mother and to ask forgiveness of her mother for the many years she had withheld forgiveness from her. Through asking her mother to forgive her and receiving it, she broke through the barrier of anger and unforgiveness as the grace of God swept in to bring healing.

We can learn some things from Lisa’s testimony, and I’d like to share some of my testimony with you about how God has dealt with me about anger in my life. The reason I volunteered to teach this chapter is because it’s something I’ve dealt with myself.

First of all, as Lisa points out, “we buy what we justify.” So if we justify our anger instead of dealing with it, we’re going to keep it, not deal with it. Anger is an emotion, as well as a work of the flesh. It is part of our fleshly nature, so it is something we have to learn to deal with, and we have to learn how to allow the Holy Spirit to help us.

The first principle we must learn is “I am responsible for managing my anger responsibly.” It is no one else’s fault. Even when we are provoked, how we choose to handle our anger is our responsibility. If we are truly being led by the Holy Spirit, then we will not conduct ourselves in a way that will not only embarrass ourselves, but also our Lord.

I remember the story told by a minister of going out to dinner with a few other pastors. They sat in the restaurant talking and sharing. Something that I don’t recall occurred, and one of the ministers became very angry, lost his temper, and as part of his outburst, cursed. Flustered, he said, “I’m sorry, I don’t know why I did that.” The other minister told us that he reached out and shook the full glass of water that was before him, and water flew out of the glass. He said, “It’s because whatever you’re full of will eventually come out.” If we are full of anger, it doesn’t take much to cause it to spill over on others. Usually, this is to our great dismay and embarrassment. Think about it for a minute…would you say to your husband or children what you usually say if you knew the pastor or a church member was standing behind you? Or would you miraculously control yourself in such a setting? You should not say anything to your family that you wouldn’t say if the preacher were there. Even worse, God is there and LISTENING! Think about that, and see if it helps you control your tongue!

Something else I heard a minister say is that “I can’t make you angry – I can only stir up what’s already in there.” So if we have something like anger in us, it will come out so we can deal with it.

Another principle we can learn from Lisa’s book is that “I am to blame for what I do when I’m angry. It’s not the person who angered me or the situation’s fault. I am in control of myself, and I only am to blame for what I do with it.”
So we see from this that we can’t just excuse ourselves by saying, “She really makes me mad.” No excuses…the buck must stop here with us. We cannot try to blame someone else for how we respond to a given situation. We are responsible for what happens and what we do when we are angry. Playing the blame game is just a waste of time.

Several years ago, I was in a car accident. I’m not sure what there was about it, but something about this incident caused me to deal with the many emotions that were swirling in my life, and that I had so far avoided dealing with. I was raised in a home that silently taught me that anger – any anger – was a sin. I was a Christian and therefore should not get angry, because it was a sin. I am a Christian – therefore, I am not angry! Wrong – even though I refused to acknowledge its existence in my life, circumstances were such that I was about to be forced to understand what the real deal was.

I clearly remember the first time I yelled at my husband when angry…I remember thinking to myself, “I am going to get his attention!”

I had a lot of emotional problems as a result of this accident, and I found myself very depressed. I was not suicidal, but I understood for the first time why people must feel that way. I felt as though my heart had disappeared and that there was a big black hole in its place. I wept and prayed before the Lord, week after week, begging Him to take this awful feeling from me. I would feel His touch, but the bad feelings did not leave me, so I continued to seek Him and asked Him to help me find the help I needed to recover. Though my children were the ones who had suffered physical injuries in the wreck, I too, had been emotionally scarred as a result of the wreck, and it had thrown me into an emotional tailspin that seemed to be spinning out of control.

Several months down the road, I knew that I needed help from outside myself. Sometimes we have to know and acknowledge when a problem is bigger than we are or that we don’t have the answers we need and begin to seek that help outside ourselves. I finally found a Christian pastor to act as a counselor for me who would help me examine the issues in my life, and hopefully help me resolve them.

At the end of our first session, he looked at me and said, “You are a very angry lady.” I was very upset by this announcement, and I thought on it all week long until our next session. I began by asking him what God thought about my being angry. He looked at me with compassion and said, “God understands.” And he basically told me that as long as I was seeking the Lord and seeking to resolve these issues in my life, that I didn’t need to worry about it, but to trust Him to bring me through it, as I sought Him and allowed Him into those hidden places in my life.

This began a long and arduous journey in my life. It caused me to do a lot of deep thinking and to begin to deal with some of the issues in my life that I had been afraid to touch. One of them was anger.

My counselor shared with me that very often, we mask other emotions and call them anger because we are used to dealing with anger, and it is more acceptable than others. We have to learn to identify the emotions we are feeling, as well as learning how to appropriately manage them. We have to learn to take our “emotional temperature” so that we can adequately do this. When as situation happens and we begin to respond emotionally to it, we need to ask ourselves what it is exactly that we are feeling.

Another principle we can learn about anger is this: If we do not process anger honestly and emotionally, it will manifest in a different way. I found this to be very true in my life. Within just a few months of the wreck, I began to experience pain and swelling in my knees that I had never had before. This was soon diagnosed as arthritis, and I was put on a prescription to help manage it. It was so bad in the mornings, that sometimes I could barely walk. I was only 34 years old! What was I doing with arthritis?

I eventually came to understand that as my emotional state improved and I came to better grips with the things that had put me in counseling, the arthritis seemed to improve as well. Even my doctors acknowledged that my emotional state was closely tied to my physical state. As I began to gain understanding of my emotions and better control them, I found that my physical condition also improved.

The Bible in Matthew 21:12, 13 shows us that Jesus became angry with the way that the money-changers were cheating the Israelites and not only making them pay excessively for animals for sacrifice, they were bringing unworthy (blemished) sacrifices to God to offer Him. If displaying any kind of anger were wrong, Jesus would not have “cleansed the temple” as He did. Jesus was righteously angry (and with good cause). He was angry about a situation that was causing hurt and problems for others. He stepped up to the plate and angrily confronted the problem. He did not back down, but rather, He used the problem and his anger to bring change.

The Word tells us to be angry and sin not. Huh? How do we do that?
Ephesians 4:26 says “Be angry, and do not sin, do not let the sun go down upon your wrath.” In other words, Jesus is telling us to manage the anger we are feeling and not to sin with it. He is not saying so much that because the sun is setting, I have to make things right that happened earlier today. No, what Jesus means by this passage is that we are not to carry into tomorrow the anger that we were dealing with today. We are not to carry our anger over into the next day. We are to experience every day the great victory God has given to us. If something happens that makes us angry, we need to be able to pray about it and lay it down at the Master’s feet and go on as if nothing happened. If we become angry about a situation or at something someone has said, then we need to stop and deal with it immediately, because we cannot allow it to steal another day from what God intends for us. He does not mean for us to walk in anger and strife.

So there are two principles we can learn from this scripture: it is possible to be angry and to sin not. It is not always a sin to be angry. Sometimes we become angered by a situation – the question is – do we allow the Holy Spirit to still control us? Or do we walk in the flesh and use our anger to hurt another (physically or verbally)?

Another principle we can learn from this book is that if anger is a problem in our lives, then we need to deal with the underlying problems that trigger the anger. Is there unforgiveness in our hearts? Are we bitter against someone? Is there someone who has wronged us and we just can’t seem to go on? What is the root cause of your anger?

At the hospital, there is something called a sentinel event – this is when there is a major problem or mistake that leads to loss of limb or injury or death, such as a patient receiving surgery on the wrong body part or the wrong patient receiving surgery or if a patient dies with no discernable cause of death. If a sentinel event occurs, an investigation then takes place into why this happened, and it is called a root cause analysis. In other words, they want to get to the bottom of this problem so it can be dealt with. We need to do the same thing in the Spirit…if there is a problem in our lives we are dealing with again and again, it’s time to do a spiritual root cause analysis and find out what happened to cause this event in our lives, so we can deal with it and prevent its happening again.

Ecclesiastes 7:9 tells us that anger rests in the bosom of a fool. Anger is settled in their bosom/heart. It is residing there. We have to be careful what we allow to reside in our hearts because it will lead us down a path of destruction that we don’t want to travel.

TD Jakes has written an excellent book called, “The Great Investment.” It is also available in a sermon series and videos. In this series, he speaks at length about anger and how it affects families. He shares the story of seeing a child who had been abused by his father because of less than acceptable grades, who had been denied proper medical attention because his father didn’t want anyone to know about his angry outburst. Bishop Jakes said he wanted to show that father a thing or two about anger. He also told a story about he & his wife and how that early in their marriage, they had a “screaming-standing-on-your-front-porch-in-your-underwear” argument. He went on to share that his wife was going to drive off in his car – which was only in his name at the time, and he was going to report her to the police that she had stolen his car. He was that mad…but his wife looked at him and said quietly, “Elder, it doesn’t matter” and handed him the keys. As he continued to yell, he realized he was the only one yelling and said he realized that she was making him look like a fool. It’s hard to have an argument all by yourself. Bishop also shared that people carry silent anger in their spirits that they do not openly address. They act as though everything is OK, but inside, anger is eating them alive. This is one of the things that cause people to develop ulcers. If you have anger in your heart, you need to deal with it, not let it simmer and burn out of control, or you will live to regret it. Anger rests in the bosom of a fool.

We cannot be controlled by our feelings/emotions. Sometimes they are right on target…other times your feelings will lie to you. How you feel can be controlled sometimes by outside things like hormones. We need to be aware of this so that we can guard ourselves carefully and will not allow ourselves to be controlled by emotion and drama. If we are angry, we need to identify the source of the anger, and allow the Holy Spirit to lead us to a place where we can let go of it.

Anger is a very real issue, and if it is a problem in your life, allow God to direct your steps so that you can go about dealing with it. While we are human and will sometimes feel angry, we must strive to see that anger does not control us. If we are a vessel of the Holy Spirit, only He should control us. Seek the Lord so that He can deal with issues in your life such as anger, and watch His strong hand of deliverance bring your through triumphantly!

It's About Time, Huh?

2006-01-16T20:09:00.000-08:00

I keep thinking I will get to this blog...I would like to make it a daily thing, but somehow, I'm not getting there. Hmmm....guess I'll have to think on how I can change that!

Today is MLK Day, and I was off. Hallelujah! I had a rather laid back, relaxing morning, which is how I like to spend my days off. I could definitely get used to this! Then this afternoon was a mix of doing a few things here & there, catching up on my personal e-mail, and posting on the SHE board. Then a trip to Wally World & Dollar General, supper, and back to my computer. I've gotten some things done and some things started, so it's been a fairly relaxing, yet productive day. I'm glad I decided against going to church tonight...I would have liked to have gone to the revival in Bath, but the rest of the week is kinda nuts, so I figured I'd better stay home tonight. And it felt great not to play beat the clock to go anywhere!

Tomorrow night I have LNO with a few friends. That should be fun! We had a good time the last time...good chatting and sharing and supporting new & old friends.

Wednesday night is church, and praise team practice is Thursday night. Friday is Mama's birthday, so I need to do something in that regards. I have a few things to give her. I think I might order a big cookie from Food Lion like I did last year for her birthday, since I'm not sure where I can fit in baking a cake.

I think I will probably post a couple things from the lessons I've done lately. Guess I may as well post them here, too. One is on brokenness, and the other is about escaping anger.

OH! My big news this week is that I got an assignment for two articles for the ADULT Sunday School curriculum. I've been writing for the Young Adult area for a couple of years, and this is a different editor that contacted me. I was pretty excited about that! I sent off the postcard, accepting it, and I've asked for a day off next month to do the articles (well in advance, I might add.) Thank God for another new door of opportunity to "write His answer."

Church has been awesome the last few weeks. Pastor Brent is teaching/preaching about the tabernacle and how it relates to prayer. The Spirit of God has been moving in an awesome way! WOW I love it when God shows up!

We also took in 23(!!!) members last week. Glory to God! (That increases our size by about a third!!!) God is definitely up to something. :-)

I think I will spend a few minutes in prayer before my bath, then I need to get my bath and get to bed before it gets insanely late. I would love to get up early enough to pray without rushing as well as get to work without rushing.

A New Day

2006-01-01T14:06:00.000-08:00

The page turns…
A new day,
A new beginning
To praise my Lord,
To worship,
To study His Word,
To live a life
Pleasing to Him.
What shall I do
With this blank page,
This new beginning?

Will I continue to live
Bound to the ways of the past?
Or will I allow the Holy Spirit
To lead me in new paths
And experience new freedom?
Will I lay aside
The chains of the past?
Or will I walk in the freedom
And fullness He desires
To give me?
Will I accept His mercy,
His pardon, for past failures
Or will I continue
To beat myself up
For failing?

I do not
And cannot expect
Perfection
From myself.
For in my strength,
I will always fail.
Yet His strength is available
To me
Daily,
If I will but choose
To accept and walk in it.

As the calendar turns
To a new year,
I am encouraged to make
A new start,
And somehow it seems
More likely
I can – by His strength –
Succeed this time.

I accept and receive
A new day
And a new challenge –
To walk in freedom
And fullness
By His Spirit
So that I may experience
What He desires for me.
His mercies are new
Every morning.
All I must do
Is reach out and
Receive it
And I may have
Whatever He desires
This day
For me.
– Carolyn S. Smith

Just so I don't disappoint anyone...

2005-11-29T19:54:00.000-08:00

Thought I'd post one more time this month. I know I probably threw you off by posting more than once, but hey, get used to it. *S*

Thanksgiving is over, and now it's time for the Christmas push. I wonder if it is somehow possible to do Christmas without its being all crazy and stressful and nightmarish. That would be so wonderful...and to actually sleep. LOL I almost never get any sleep on Christmas Eve! I am hoping I can do some of my shopping online again this year. When you can, that's the way to go! I wish I could figure out how to do Christmas without all the stress and trying to make everything work. Hmmm...maybe it's NOT my responsibility to make sure everything's wonderful?

Thanksgiving Dinner was less stressful than its been in recent years, and for this, I am thankful. My family was amazed that I actually had dinner on the table before 3pm. Perhaps things are a little better here. *S*

Thanksgiving was nice but it had its moments. Jonathan probably spent all of an hour with us Thanksgiving Day...but I was thankful for that hour. He & I did chat a little on Friday, and hopefully, he heard what I was trying to get across to him. Many prayers are going up regarding this.

Ben & I had some nice chat time on Thursday night...then he listened to me complain & cry on Friday night. He was a good sport.

Jenny's birthday was Friday, and we officially celebrated on Saturday morning. We also had our family portrait made on Friday afternoon. Not the greatest picture in the world, but it's all of us, and we all have eyes. *You had to be there for that one.*

In other thoughts...

I've been fighting a computer virus the last few days, and I was thinking the other morning during my prayer time how this is like a stronghold in our minds. This stupid virus causes pop-ups. Just when you think you've gotten rid of this irritating thing, there it is again, asking you to download a program. You cancel it...and get another pop-up. Then a third just to be sure you really didn't want it. This is just how the enemy operates. If he has an access to our minds, he will send that thought to us repeatedly. We hit "cancel" by speaking the Word, and just when we think we've killed that thing, another thought attacks. We "cancel" that one and go back to work, and there it is again! It's relentless.

The good news is that Symantec has a removal tool...and Christians have the Blood of Jesus. If we will follow the directions and download the proper thing, the tool will remove the virus "just as if" it were never there before. The same happens when we download the right things from the Word into our spirits. The enemy may infect us with a spiritual virus, but if we will use the removal tool at our disposal (known as the Word),then we can preserve all our data for future use (the dream/promise God has given us), and we can walk on as though nothing ever attacked us.

II Corinthians 10:4 says that "The weapons of our warfare are not carnal, but they are mighty through God to the pulling down of strong holds." (That's from memory, not copied...) If we will fight spiritual warfare with the proper tools, then God's grace will be sufficient and will bring us through the trials of our faith. Don't keep dealing with those annoying spiritual pop-ups...let God bring you through this trial in HIS strength.

2005-11-11T20:55:00.000-08:00

You Are Likely a Third Born

At your darkest moments, you feel vulnerable.

At work and school, you do best when you're comparing things.

When you love someone, you tend to like to please them.

In friendship, you are loyal to one person.

Your ideal careers are: sales, police officer, newspaper reporter, inventor, poet, and animal trainer.

You will leave your mark on the world with inventions, poetry, and inspiration.

The Birth Order Predictor

The Oil of Worship

2005-11-10T20:48:00.000-08:00

I had a thought the other night (good for me, wow, that still happens! LOL)...perhaps I could share some of my SS lessons here. So I'm going to do that tonight. This is the last part of my Sunday School lesson that the Lord gave me last week about "The Oil of Worship." Enjoy!

Read Luke 7:36-50

This story, or one similar to it is told in all of the gospels. Apparently, there were at least two incidents of this happening, because two of the gospels mention that it was poured on Jesus’ head, while the other two tell us the oil was poured upon His feet. The meaning is still the same.

Jesus had gone to the house of Simon the Pharisee. They sat down to eat. You must understand here that they did not sit at a table such as do today. Rather, they ate at tables low to the ground/floor and they reclined upon low couches, so it was possible that while Jesus was sitting to eat, he was facing the table but his feet were reclined in a position behind him. While Jesus was sitting there to eat, a sinful woman came up behind him, carrying a box or flask of ointment. This was very precious oil called spikenard. It was very expensive – the cost of this small flask was worth about a year’s wages. It was usually used to prepare a body for burial. If a person possessed spikenard, it was to be used for their burial. Because bodies were not embalmed in those days and because of the heat, bodies decayed very quickly. People anointed corpses with oils such as this and spices to help cover the stench of death.

A sinful woman – one who was known to everyone else by her actions – probably a prostitute, came up behind Jesus and began to cry – to weep profusely. Her weeping was so profuse, that the tears began to fall on Jesus feet and that she literally washed his feet with her tears. She then took down her hair (which was likely long) and began to wipe them dry with the hair of her head. Some of my study resources have indicated that no respectable woman would have taken her hair down in public. This was considered a very intimate act and was not to be done in public. She also kissed his feet and anointed them with the spikenard. Now remember, these are the dusty, smelly feet of a man who has been walking outside, probably in sandals. To wash someone’s feet was considered an act of hospitality (which Simon did not afford Jesus), and it was usually done by a servant. But what this woman did for Jesus was not just an act of humility or an act of hospitality. It was an act of worship. This anointing with oil was an act of worship.

You have to think, “Why did this woman do this?” Why in the world would someone want to wash someone’s feet with her tears, dry them with her hair, kiss them, and then pour expensive perfume on them?

The woman who did this was known as a sinful woman to the community. She was probably a prostitute. Prostitutes did not associate with polite society such as the Pharisees, who would openly judge and condemn them. But this woman was on a mission. One of the passages about this story tells us this woman was Mary, the sister of Lazarus. For this woman to come to Jesus in this way tells me that He had changed her life somehow in a profound way. She was a woman who had spent her life being hurt and abused by men, but there was something about this man that was different. He didn’t want to take her self-respect from her and abuse her; rather, it is likely that by hearing Him teach, her life had been changed, transformed. And while polite society did not recognize the change in her life, Jesus knew that she had been transformed within, and she was not the same woman. So grateful was this woman for what Jesus had done in her life, that she slipped in quietly while he was eating, and just knelt behind him. Because of the great change He had brought about in her…that He had seen in her the ability to be changed by His power…she began to weep because of the dramatic change that He had made in her. She was a new woman, whether the Pharisees saw it or not. Jesus had changed this sinful woman who was not loved and respected into a woman with a hope and future. So great was her weeping that she washed his feet, his dirty, smelly feet with her tears, and then she tenderly wiped them dry with her hair. She kissed his feet because of her great love for Him, because He had wrought such a great change in her. And then she poured this expensive oil/perfume on his feet. What she did was a profound act of love, adoration, and worship.

But Simon the Pharisee judged not only her, but Jesus as he watched this happen. He had no illumination or revelation as to why this was being done. He simply judged it based on his own heart. He thought within himself that if Jesus were truly a prophet that He would know that a sinful woman was touching him and making a spectacle of herself at his feet.

Jesus discerned Simon’s thoughts and spoke a parable. He told the story of a man who had two debtors – people who owed him money. Neither of them had the money to repay him, and the man forgave both the debts. Jesus then asked Simon which of the people who were indebted would be most grateful? Simon answered the one who was forgiven of the greater debt. Jesus told him that he was correct.

For the first time, Jesus turns to the woman. He points out to Simon that he did not greet him hospitably by washing his feet, but that this woman had washed his feet with her tears and wiped them dry with her hair. While Simon did not greet Jesus with a holy kiss, as was the custom, this woman had kissed his feet repeatedly. Simon did not anoint Jesus’ head with oil, which was to cleanse and refresh a person, and yet, this woman has given of a costly perfume/oil that she has generously poured out upon his feet. Jesus then declares that though this woman’s sins were many, they are now forgiven, and that her faith has saved her.

The sinful woman was not saved because of her act of worship. She came to Jesus with a repentant heart, sorry for her sins, willing to turn from her sinful life, if indeed Jesus could change a woman such as her. As she poured out her sorrow for her sinful life and her desire to change, and her gratefulness in knowing that He had indeed changed her from that woman, that she had to express this in some way. She came in the only way she knew and simply bowed at his feet to express her love and gratitude. By pouring out this expensive oil on his feet, she showed the depth of her desire to bless him and worship him…She probably did not understand exactly why she was pouring out a burial oil on Him or that He was in fact, about to die. She came to Him, compelled to show Him her devotion and her worship, and she poured out the most precious thing in her possession. She poured out her love, her devotion, her selfless desire to bless Him in some small way, this man who had changed her from that sinful woman that she hated. She gave Him what was most precious to her, and in so doing, prepared Him for what was ahead for Him.

Oil was used in the Old Testament to anoint the high priest and priests. This special anointing oil was also used to sanctify (to set apart for a holy purpose) the furniture in the tabernacle. It was also used as a part of the actual sacrifice that the priests performed. In other words, it was used during the sacrifice, which was an act of worship.

So we must come to Jesus…with a grateful heart of worship, running over to the brim with our repentance, our desire to change, and our desire to show Him how much we love Him. As we sit at Jesus’ feet and humble ourselves before Him, it does not only bless Him, but sitting at His feet changes us. As we sit in His presence and worship Him, the oil of our worship is poured out. It is a costly thing, it is a precious and intimate thing, and not only does it bless Him, it changes us. One of the other gospels says that the odor of the oil filled the house where they were sitting…the oil of worship will not only transform us, but it will change everything that is around us. Everyone will know that we have been transformed by worshipping the Messiah, the Most High God. Our worship in His presence will bring change wherever we are.

The scent of this oil must have lasted for several days. As Jesus walked for the next several days, the scent of her worshipful act followed Him. May our worship be a sweet-smelling savor to the Lord, and may our worship bring not only blessing to Him, but everlasting change and joy as we sit at His feet and worship Him.

Tonight's the night

2005-10-28T17:58:00.000-07:00

I've been really tired this week, so my husband asked me to try to rest tonight, so I thought maybe something restful I could do was to write something for my blog. I still haven't gotten into the daily posting thing yet. Yeah, yeah, I know...maybe I'll get there eventually!

This has been a busy month, though not as whirlwind as last month, thank the Lord. This week has been pretty busy, too...

Monday was my birthday. *Yeah* I'm now 47 years old. *Woo Hoo* My birthday philosophy is "As long as I'm on the right side of the grass, I have something to celebrate!" I don't "get" people who lie about their age or get depressed about birthdays. I'm not ashamed of my age, and growing older doesn't really bother me too much at this point.

Although...I went to a concert last Friday night to help John & WAGO out at their table. The concert featured The Hoppers & Dr. David Jeremiah. I really enjoyed The Hoppers. They did "Jerusalem," which Mended Vessels sang when we were together, so that was fun to hear them do. I did shed a few tears in the course of the evening, but that's OK. Kim Hopper also did an awesome job on a song from a solo project she did. The song is "Peace in the Midst of the Storm." I bought her tape and have ordered the soundtrack, too. I have been enjoying that song all week! But I digress...age story...The Hoppers were showing a logo about that it was their Heritage tour, celebrating 48 years of ministering together. Then the older man said, "We started in 1957," and I thought, "Crap! I was born in 1958! That sounds really old that way!" LOL

The only year I ever got depressed was my 29th birthday. I got depressed because I knew I'd be 30 the next year. Weird...

Dr. David Jeremiah's ministry was also very good. He preached about the Prodigal Son. It kinda blew me away because several of the things he brought out were things I had taught on a few weeks ago when I taught SS on the Prodigal Son. (Luke 15) It was kinda neat though. John said it just shows I'm a good teacher. *S* (Brownie points for John!)

I had a very nice birthday. My church family gave me cards, and I opened them on the morning of my birthday. (Note to self: I need to start giving cards to folks in the church. I am lax about this...though I do make sure everyone else has the information through the bulletin so they can do this!) One of the drug reps stopped by & brought me a card, which was unexpected & sweet. He is 29, I think (about the age of my older son!) and he's one of them I keep up with. He's a really nice guy. Another of the reps shares the same birthday, but he's older! *S* So I sent him a couple of e-cards. One said, "In the beginning, God created the heavens & the earth. So tell me....how was it??" I couldn't resist sending that one! LOL Anyhow, another very dear friend sent me a slew of birthday e-cards, so I had fun opening them and feeling special. Ben called & left me a voicemail, singing me "Happy Birthday." The folks at work got me an ice cream cake (chocolate and ice cream - you can't go wrong there!) and a card, so that was nice. For once, I didn't feel like a bump on a pickle, so I was a little more relaxed about being the center of attention for a few minutes. The changes in my job situation the last 6 months have been very positive, and I am very thankful for that. John made me a cake, even though he wasn't feeling well. (He's been dealing with a kidney stone the last couple of weeks but seems to be better the last day or so.) He sent Jenny to the store, and he gave me a $25 gift card for Wal-Mart. Jenny gave me a $30 gift certificate for Goody's. I asked for gift certificates, so I did pretty good, huh? I am a blessed woman!

I didn't hear from Jonathan on my birthday, though I did get a "Happy Birthday" in person (and a hug) the week before. He was home briefly (VERY briefly) during fall break. He chose to spend the rest of his time with other people. I only got to see him about an hour. I was hurt and upset, but all I can do is pray about it. Lord, he is your kid, too, so please take care of him for me!!!

I didn't sleep well Monday night, though, and wound up only getting a few hours sleep. I was really tired on Tuesday, and all I wanted to do all day was rest. I had a hankering for chili that night, and actually wound up making some for supper. After I ate, it was late, almost 9pm. I fell asleep and didn't wake up till 11:30! I got up & got my bath & went back to bed about an hour later. I set the clock for 5am and then turned it off. I didn't wake up till 6:20! Yinkies!

I bought another soundtrack this week, too, that I had ordered last week. "Just One Touch" that Karen Peck does. I've been practicing that the last couple of days, but I think I might need at least another week on that one. Still sounds pretty rough. I haven't been singing as much at church lately, but perhaps I'll ask if I have a new track. I don't like to ask if I can sing, but I'll do it every now & then. I can't wait to get the other one! Though they called today & said I have to call them back Monday because the cassette is no longer available.

Wednesday night, we had church. Pastor preached "like his coattails were on fire" (as my daddy used to say.) The last few services have been awesome! Pastor shared a good word, and I enjoyed that very much. Thursday night, I had praise team practice, so I ran in & out the door again. I got home around 10pm and lay down for a few minutes then and dozed a little. John was a little worried about me tonight because I've been so tired. I really do need to start getting more rest. At least I am aware this is a problem, so perhaps I can work on finding a solution, too!

God has been dealing with me about getting up early to pray. I am trying for 5am but not always making it. 5:30 is probably a little more realistic, but I don't always make that, either. I really enjoy my time with God under my tallit, though, so I want to be sure to make time for some quality time with Him.

I'm studying this week about the Levites and the anointing oil...looks like that is where SS is going this week. It's something I've been wanting to study since Bill was here last month. What I've studied so far is really interesting. I love studying the Word!

This week at work was Pharmacy Week. The secretaries work hard to make the celebration a success, and I think we did a good job this year. (Sally is off till Tuesday, moving into her new house! Good for her!!!) Irene & I work well together, so that's going well. And Cindy was back Wed., so I only had to do billing two days this week! This is SOOO nice - I LOVE IT! Anyhow, we got a bunch of freebie goodies for Pharmacy Week, and that is always fun.

Well, I guess that's about all for now. I think I will go in the bedroom & see if I can tidy up in there a little bit before I get my bath.

Y'all come back now, ya hear? (Comments from the peanut gallery welcome!)

Carolyn

Better Hurry...

2005-09-30T23:05:00.000-07:00

Or I'm not gonna get my September post in! *sheesh*

OK, I get it that I'm not getting it about this being a daily thing or something anywhere close to it! There have been so many things I've wanted to write about this month, and I just keep thinking, "I don't really have time to write now." I need to JUST DO IT, or it's never gonna happen. Maybe I will try to get some shorter posts going this month...and maybe I'll actually have time to do them! :-)

One of the main things I wanted to write about was the hurricanes that have brought so much devastation to our country in the last month. How well I know about that! It's been six years this month since Hurricane Floyd flew through NC and changed our lives forever. My heart has really gone out to the folks in LA, MS, and TX, as they deal with it all. I know so well the overwhelming feeling of "Lord, what are we going to do?"...the wonder of looking at your flooded home and wondering "How can this be my home?...of seeing your furniture thrown out like yesterday's trash when you worked YEARS to pay for it...the ruined pictures...the overwhelming stench that just doesn't go away....

The hospital where I work sent a SMAT team last week (???some kind of Medical Assistance Team???) to MS to help man a mobile hospital there. I really wanted to volunteer for it myself when I heard about it, but I have enough fires on the homefront burning that I can't do that. I just kept wishing there was some way that I could send some hope and encouragement to these people that have been devastated because that's what they need most. They need to hope that the future will be different, and that they will be able to get past where they are now. It is so hard to see that when you are surrounded by total destruction. We received help from so many places...It really makes me want to write up my flood experiences and do something with them. Guess that needs to go on my list of things I need to get done & quit thinking about!!!

Update on things here...

Ben is doing OK in Concord, for the most part. He's working a third shift security job that sounds extremely boring & challenging (to stay awake!!!) but hopefully, it will help him to keep his head above water financially until something better comes along. I haven't talked to him in a while, but I read his blog daily (www.demonkilla.com) so I know some of what's going on with him.

Jenny's college classes here are going well. She is majoring in Theater Education at ECU. One of the biggies in theater is participating in different crews. She is with the lighting crew this semester, and they started a show tonight. She is running some kind of equipment for the show, so she'll be gone pretty much the next couple of weeks every night until around midnight. Good thing she is young! Her friend Shannon took some great pics of her this week which I might post here if I can figure out how...

Still hardly any communication from Jonathan of any substance. He dislocated his ankle about 10 days ago....he did give the RA permission to call us & tell us what had happened. He had a trip to the ER to have that put back into place. OUCH He did manage to remember my e-mail address and phone number when he needed some help with follow up medical care, etc. It was good to talk to him even a little, but I want to shout at him "WHAT IS THE DEAL, KIDDO???" I hate the silent treatment. :-( And I miss my son. :-(

Jonathan's 19th birthday was on Monday...I was unable to send him anything since he hasn't sent us his address. I REALLY hated this. Last year's birthday got screwed up, and we wound up doing pretty much nothing. I really wanted to make this year's different...but he chose not to give me his address, so I chose not to make a huge deal of it. His loss. Mine too really...bummer!

John's mom is still with us. She went to the doctor today, and there's some improvement with her. She's gained weight and seems to be doing pretty well, but her short term memory is still very much a problem. I don't know how long she'll be with us or what the future holds for her, but we will continue to take it one step at a time. So far, it's going well, though it has caused a few changes/adjustments here & there. Her being here hasn't really been a problem, except that dh & I are driving to church separately.

Speaking of driving, gas went back up to over $3 a gallon here today! *sheesh* What is up with that??? It now costs as much to fill up half a tank as it used to fill it up when it was between 1/4 and empty. I am hitting the gas station more frequently now so I don't have to fill it up all the way!

We had revival at our church last week with Bill Cloud. Bill is a Hebrew scholar, and he studies the Bible in Hebrew. He has the most amazing insight, and I learned so much in the five services he was with us. I got to spend some more in-depth time talking with him after one of the services, too, which was very interesting. He used to work with a minister whose ministry I've followed for many years, so we talked about him a bit, too. The thing about Bill's insights into the Word, though, are just astounding to me. It makes things so clear...and makes me wonder what I am missing. I have decided I would love to study Hebrew!!! If I can get things together at home more, I think I might just see if I can work towards that. I think that would be totally awesome! :-) Perhaps sometime I can share some of what he shared with us. Check out his website at www.billcloud.org.

I've been studying the Prodigal Son this week (Luke 15) for Sunday School. It's been interesting. I love studying the Word!

John & I celebrated our 28th wedding anniversary this week. Hard to believe it's been that many years! Our celebration was very low key, but we were together, and that's what's important. We didn't have service at church Sunday night (when our anniversary was) so we just spent the evening quietly at home (mostly doing our own thing...John hasn't felt well this week. He seems better today.) But there is a calmness and peace in our relationship now that I'm so thankful for. And I'm so glad we're in church together again! God blessed me with a wonderful man, and we've been through some tough places. Our relationship is another proof of God's faithfulness and His Grace.

Speaking of which...I have to share this, too. About a year ago, God instructed me to sever ties with one of my very closest friends. It was very difficult and painful for me, but I did it. It's been something I've struggled with in many ways since it happened. This week, she called me & left a message for me to call her, which was quite unusual. After thinking/praying about it, I decided to call her last night. She told me that she wanted me to know that she wasn't angry with me, and that she did not feel that I had betrayed her...that she was thankful for our friendship and all the things that she learned from it, and that she just wanted me to know that. I was so very glad to hear that, since these are the two things I have struggled with the most. It was a direct answer to prayer. God is SOOO good to me!

Well, this post shows why I don't post often...I get to writing and don't want to stop!I'll close this out for now, and I will try to post more often in October! :-)

More change

2005-08-28T23:00:00.000-07:00

My husband and I heard something years ago that we've always remembered..."The only thing constant is change." How true that is, that sometimes you can only depend upon that things will keep changing! It's been that kind of month for me.

Ben did indeed move in August, back to the Concord area. He seems to be pretty content with being there and is settling in, from what I can tell. I am glad for him that he is back in an area where he has friends that he is strongly connected with. He seems pretty happy about that.

John & I went to TN last week with Jonathan to help him get settled at college. He didn't really want us to go (I found out after I had asked and he said it was fine, after I had made arrangements to be off...) I decided I wanted to go for my own peace of mind. We made the 9 hour trip up there, John & I riding in the van and Jonathan in his vehicle.

We've had several issues with Jonathan over the last year, and he has distanced himself from us a lot since he turned 18. I have tried to give him his own space somewhat. It is tough being a mom & knowing how to do that without their feeling like you've abandoned them. I was very disappointed and hurt by the way Jonathan acted towards me while we were there, and I'm not sure I would have gone if I had known it would turn out that way. I cried a lot that weekend.
I told John it wasn't just that he was going to college 500 miles away...I can deal with that. (Maybe not be thrilled with it, but I realize it's time for him to "move on" and grow up.) But it's the feeling that he doesn't want us involved in his life at all that hurts so much. I feel sort of like he has divorced his family. He doesn't care to be with us or communicate with us. He has made this very clear! He has sent one (count 'em - ONE!) e-mail to me since he left, and I practically begged for that. I called him after he'd been gone a week, and he didn't say much except "Fine" in response to my questions. He does not seem to want to share this experience with us at all. How disappointing!

As I've thought about this the last several days, I see that he has disconnected himself from us for quite a while and only interacted with us as necessary. It's a scary feeling as a mom to not know what's going on with your child or know what they're thinking or feeling or why they're treating you like you're from Mars. I'm told this is normal behavior for a young man his age, and it probably is. But it is surely disappointing and hurtful. Neither of my other two children have treated me this way. *sigh*

OK, enough of that. There's still more change to discuss!

John's mother is moving in with us tomorrow!! She has been having some serious memory problems and is at his niece's house. He is supposed to pick her up tomorrow. Family is concerned that she shouldn't be staying by herself, as she has fallen a few times and isn't taking her meds properly, which has caused her diabetes to go through the roof. I spent a lot of time cleaning up yesterday...it's still not great, but it's better than it was. We're hoping we can find a better solution soon, but there are still lots of questions to be answered at this point. This will certainly make our lives interesting. Jenny is not thrilled at the prospect of sharing her bathroom with another grandmother, but hopefully God will grace us to walk through this.

There are also changes at work. A co-worker who has been there 20 years is retiring, and she is going part-time as of tomorrow. She will be in a few days a week for four hours a day. Hopefully they can hire and train someone soon, as no one knows how to do what she does. I am her main back-up on one of her more important tasks, and I actually already do this four days a week. I have just now inherited it for every day of the week! And I am now the only person trained to do this, which is a little scary. I'm going to get some help with my filing on the extra day I haven't been doing it, so at least that will help me out. It will likely take me most of the day on Mondays to do three days worth of this task. And I will have to work part of the day on Labor Day since my big committee meeting of the month is the day after, and there's no way I can do four days worth that day! Anyhow, life is constantly changing there, too. We just got someone hired to take the front desk position, and now someone else leaves and messes with the mix! Oh well...the only thing constant is change!

I wish they would give me an office at work. I've been called on the carpet for humming/singing, which I do unconsciously sometimes. Other times, I'm listening to music and am aware I do it, but I try not to be obnoxious about it. It's just part of who I am, and listening to music is a big stress reliever for me. I'm not going to stop being who I am. If I had an office, at least that could be controlled a little, & I wouldn't annoy other people. (I'm one of two people in a cubicle, out in the open.) I've also got some temperature issues. I am constantly hot-natured now, whereas my cubicle-mate is very cold natured. Someone has taken it upon themselves to try to control our thermostat (not her), but it is a problem. I can't take any more clothes off, and if it's too hot, I'm uncomfortable & get sleepy easily. Ah well...life is full of challenges, isn't it?

Guess I don't have to write a book every time, but Ben was bugging me...uh...reminding me to update my blog, so here it is.

One of the scriptures in SS today was "In your patience possess ye your souls." (Luke 21:19) I think I might need that one this week!

July 26, 2005

2005-07-26T21:22:00.000-07:00

There, I've done it!

My son Ben asked me to consider starting a blog so he would know what's going on in my life after he moves back to Concord. Yes, Ben is planning to move back to Concord, 250 miles from Mama, in about a month. My younger son, Jonathan, is also planning to go to Lee University in Cleveland, TN (9 hours from Mama) at around the same time! Only Jenny will be left here at home. Aside from inheriting all of the dishes and chores, I think she is OK with it. She will be back at ECU a lot of the time anyhow, so it is likely to be just John & me here a lot of the time. Wow, it is hard to believe that my two of my kids are leaving at the same time. Lord, help me!

Change seems to be the name of the game in my life recently. At least three friendships have undergone dramatic change in the last year. I have changed my look...adding makeup, a very different haircut and even a little color to hide the gray! LOL I'm also trying for a more professional look at work. And at work, my supervisor quit a few months ago. While I did not get her position, I did get a promotion. There are some other positive changes at work, as well. And my dear, sweet husband, John's health is finally improving, AND he is now at church with me!!!! YEAH And now two of my kids are leaving home! Change, change, change!

I am not a person who welcomes much change. I like things to be the same, stable. I am the gal who took a month to decide to that I still wanted the same, exact mobile home that was destroyed by Hurricane Floyd! Intellectually, I know that change is good for me, and that "different" isn't necessarily a bad thing...just different. But I still seem to rebel against change for some reason.

This could come from the fact that I traveled with my husband "on the road" for almost nine years. He did professional entertainment, doing puppetry in the fair circuit. We also did children's ministry when the opportunity arose. But John's health the last several years has forced some changes in that realm, though we do intend to move back in that direction as his health stabilizes. Living life for so long with so much change has made me greatly value a life where things are more predictable.

Change...I was reading in John Bevere's book "Victory in the Wilderness" that sometimes in order to effect change in our lives, God allows some good things to be moved so that He can do something new in us. He says that the old wine has to be poured out before the new wine can be poured in. Personally, I'll be glad when the old is done pouring out. It can be an uncomfortable time. But thank God, His grace is sufficient!!!

Stayed tuned for whatever other new changes God has yet in store for me ahead!

Carolyn